Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category


‘Tis the evening of Christmas and in our old house
The snoring shakes windows . . . I speak of my spouse
He said he’s exhausted, though not one to shirk
He just looked on, as I did the work

I purchased and wrapped ….. ‘twas left up to me
Baked cookies galore and put up the tree
Now the kids are playing with a few old toys
The new ones are broken; so much for new joys

The floor is quite messy with boxes and bows
And discarded ribbons . . . along with new clothes
New puppy just did what puppies do best
He wet on the floor, his hourly quest.

The fireplace clogged – I was choking on smoke
My husband kept snoring and never awoke
The tree got knocked over – I cleaned up the mess
What happens next, is anyone’s guess

Hot chocolate spilled from a broken mug
And cookies got ground right into the rug
The turkey’s a carcass, the leftover’s, few
I’m left with the dishes, but that’s nothing new

And out in the kitchen where pans are piled high
I scrub and I scour, and I sigh . . . and I sigh
Am I tired? You bet! I’ve stayed up too late
So fell fast asleep with my face in my plate

We waited all year for this wonderful day
And I’m glad that the next one’s A FULL YEAR AWAY

11/22/95 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck
(revised 12/02)

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Today it’s very cold outside
Drippy nose
Frozen toes
Weather’s right for a nice sled ride
Cough and wheeze
Great big sneeze
Snow-fun beckoned, and so I tried
Slipped and fell
Painful yell
Bruised my body and my pride
Home in bed
Bandaged head
Tomorrow I will stay inside

1/4/90 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck

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Halloween has changed a lot
Since Grandpa was a lad.
The things they did way back then
Were really pretty bad.

On Halloween, he and friends
Played their usual pranks,
Like toppling wooden structures
And emptying cattle tanks.

They loved to pick on poor old Slim,
And did so without fear.
Eventually came their last time,
For it was Slim’s big year.

They slipped into his darkened yard,
All quiet as a mouse,
And putting shoulders to the wood,
They toppled his outhouse

The boys were devastated —
They smelled like they had died,
For Slim had slathered its contents
On the toilet’s wooden hide.

8/25/05 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck

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A few days of my poetic beginnings- 1949!

Everyone grows with practice, so for the next few days I will share with you the earliest poems, that I still have copies of. Please bear with me and excuse me. I am hoping to encourage those who think they can’t do it. It takes practice, my friends.

I never was a poet
I guess I always knew it
‘Cause every time I tried to rhyme
I sure as shoot
in’ blew it

August 1, 1949
Phyllis Adair VanVleck

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A Blanket of silken thread


“I’m looking for a place to rest,”
Said the fly to Mrs. Spider,
As he lit and sat beside her.

. . .

“Oh, weary fly, please be my guest.”
“I’ll make for you a comfy bed,
And blanket you in silken thread.”

9/8/94 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck

3’rd … Arkansas NPD 1997

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“Young Man, it’s time to go to bed.”
“Aw, do I have to go?” he said.
And so I gave him minutes more.
And then — I think I heard him snore!

“Young man it’s morning. Time to wake.”
“Aw, gee,” he said, “give me a break.”
He headed for the bathroom door.
Good grief, I think I heard him snore!

3/19/00 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck

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