WHEN MAMA DECLARES WAR
Run outside or hold your breath
Mama’s gonna put some germs to death
Look out, you all – get out, I say
Mama and her Clorox are on the way
I smell it comin’, even outdoors
It stings your eyes and opens your pores
She’ll scrub the floors and fixtures, too
Everything is Cloroxed before she’s through
Look out, germs, her Clorox spray
Will sear your lungs this very day
Mama’s got germ killin’ on her mind
Better find a tree to get behind
My eyes are watering, I’m gasping air
Mama’s killin’ germs just everywhere
Warning!, Sis and little Bro
Don’t breath deep if you want to grow
Mama kills germs from ceiling to floor
When she and Clorox join in war
There’s no germs livin’, I swear it’s true
Mama killed ‘em all in a mile or two
Next time watch for that gleam in her eye
Or you’ll be sorry – you want to know why?
She’ll dump a lot in your nightly tub
And you’ll get bleached from a Clorox scrub
If you want a long life on germ killin’ day
You better stay out of Mama’s way
Run outside. Take a big book
When Mama’s wearin’ that Clorox look
8/11/04 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck
3’rd Place – Mo. State Poetry Society – 2004
Note … Thanks to Diann Guidry’s
Inspiration.
Maybe Mama can take out that swine flu for us
That’s an excellent idea. I know a woman, in Texas, who can take it out for the whole country.
Do you remember Johnny Standley singing “Grandma’s Lye Soap” back around 1952? Your poem reminds me of it.
No, I do not remember that song. When I was a small child I learned not to use “potty” language, or to tell a lie, by having my mouth washed out with laundry soap. And Mamma really rubbed it hard, on top of my teeth, so it was difficult to remove. I only had it done once, for each offense, and I can still taste that bar of brown soap. Even our toothbrush couldn’t get it all off. You lived with it almost all dayand I think it was a wonderful teaching tool, yet, I did not do that to my own children.
Yuk indeed! Good thing your mother didn’t use lye soap. One line says she washed some kid’s ears out with it and he hasn’t heard anything in 20 years and I forget the rest. But, “it’s in The Book.”
I never heard that song, and I never heard of Johnny Standley. Was he a national singer or a local fella?
No, Momma didn’t use lye soap and I only lied once and got “the treatment,” but it taught me never to lie again. Some of my siblings had it done more than once, and two grew up without ever learning their lesson. Maybe they enjoyed blowing bubbles all day (ha ha).