DAVID’S BATTLE
I was there when you made your entrance
into this world, your eyes blinking
against the brightness and sensations
of your surroundings. Your tiny tadpole
belly heaved as you screamed in protest
at this sudden change in your existence,
but ready to take on life
with all its complexities.
I held you in my arms, marveling
at your perfection. You were my dear
design in life, and filled your space
perfectly. As I held you close I could
feel the steady beat of your tiny heart
and feel your soft breath upon my cheek.
We bonded, just as life promises,
and I could not conceive of losing you.
Now, forty-eight years later, I hold
your hand as you struggle to stay
in this world. Barely aware of life
around you. Wires and tubes keeping
you alive. A machine giving you the breath
that once came so naturally on its own.
I kiss you for the last time, and I
release you from your promise not to die,
as I watch the line on the monitor
flatten. I wish that I could take your
place against this insidious Goliath,
but such choices are not ours to make.
I will keep you with me in memory,
where cancer is just an ugly word,
powerless to inflect its indignities
upon those so undeserving. Powerless
to rob us of those we love. Fly away
to that wonderful land of promise, Son,
where those you love will someday join
you for a blessed reunion.
Until then, soar among the stars
where the beyond is like our dreams.
Ever in my heart … Always in my mind.
I love you, Son.
11/90 to 2/93 Phyllis DeWitt-VanVleck
The memories never leave, do they? I find joy in that — the knowing and loving and caring stays with us forever, even as the loss does. Blessings to you on these fall days!
Thank you for your kind words Tamsen. You are so right. I will never forget the love this child brought to my life, or the care he showed as an adult; son, husband and father.
Hello, I think it is wonderful that you blog. This entry was incredibly moving — I’m nineteen years old and I am not ashamed to admit that my eyes watered after reading this.
I love to have people read my work and blogging has allowed me to reach a much wider audience; including nineteen year olds. Thank you so much for your kind comments.